“If you feel bad – do something for someone else and you will feel good “
I’ve seen this listed in many self help manuals .
I do accept this from a neuroscience basis – there’s probably an oxytocin secretion and a slight endorphin rush , and if it’s a planned gift involving anticipatory – related reward, a touch of dopamine too.
But what if you can’t?? Sometimes it’s easy to be a giver or supporter or nurturer of others.
Othertimes, it just isn’t. If one is unwell , physically or mentally , it can be extraordinarily difficult to focus on anything outside ones own pain, discomfort or distress.
Esther Jungreis, a Holocaust survivor who became an American religious leader, recounts thisstory , which hits a pure-truth chord every time I recount it…..
There was a very rich guy who owned a Texas based oil company . His son grew up and joined the firm . One year there was a terrible recession that hit the world. The son half-joked “ Gee dad , things are so tight now. We could really use the $300 000that the business donated to charity last year” .
The dad turned to his son.” Dont you know?” he said, “All that we have is that which we give? I only wish, that when i had the chance, I had given more”.
Sometimes it can be very difficult to give.
Especially in a recession . But this Texas dude could well be right.
“If you asked me, I’d say normality is either a four- sided triangle or square circle”.
So said Thomas Szasz, an American psychiatrist who wrote “ the myth of mental illness”.
Circle and Square’s Dave Stevens led our hour long discussion. He explained that “ out of the box “, or divergent thinking ( ⭕️ circle), enhances our creativity, and therein , our success.
He demonstrated with a question. “What’s the word that comes to mind if I say the word BLUE”- most people apparently respond with “ sky, sea , ocean “
I don’t think he expected the obvious answer from a doctor… “Viagra”.
The webinar emphasises themes of “ mindfulness “, and trusting ones own body . We need to embrace a return to nature, to the openness of the wondrous child (the circle), from the jaded, overanalysed, conforming adult
( the square).
The way to wellbeing is fueled by a touch of creativity, an allowance and a tolerance for what may feel like non conformity.
Turns out – Dave is proved right by ancient geometers. To take the openness and potential out of a persons world …. is actually described as an illness by Greek mathematicians. ‘ Morbus Cyclometricus’ is the ‘circle squaring disease’, where one can go nuts trying to figure out how to create a square with the exact surface area of an existing circle, using restricted tools.
It can’t be done. Don’t try . It’s clearly even geometrically best to “ let the circle remain a circle”.
Our take home message :
stay attuned to your needs
listen to your body
reduce pressure to fill your time with work or activity .
Stay open in your thinking , be creative, and encourage such in your children . Shut them up , if you must – but never shut them down .
An old Zen proverbsays , “ Wherever you go, there you are”.
This statement may sound obvious, but it’s profound .We humans have the ability to “ think ourselves “ anywhere. We have a capacity to choose where to direct our attention. And if we can’t, we can easilylearn this skill.
This is the basis of Mindfulness.
A focused choice, putting attention into the present moment.So many people are scared of meditating. We know how difficult it is to clear our minds . But mindfulness practice merely asks that you focus on observing your thought , watching them dance around your head. The thing is not to have any commentary or judgement about the content of such thoughts – just to be aware of them.
You don’t have to sit on the floor to meditate. Mindfulness meditation can be practiced anywhere in any position, as long as the mind is brought to the present moment – to be aware, alert and non – judgemental toward ourselves and towards others.
Remember the advice “ take a deep breath “?
It remains one of the most instant moodchangers and method of calming. It’s free, it’s instantly available and it gets oxygen to your brain.
In fact , with three conscious breaths we can release the tensions in our body and mind and return to a cool and calm state of presence. That’s all it takes. Three unhurried breaths. No Rush.
Why should we practice mindfulness ?
It sounds easy enough to do, but it really should be practised, daily . It’s like exercising a muscle.
With practice and perseverance, the idea is that we can change the basic beat of our neural rhythm in a positive way.
This reduces constant stimulation of regions of the brain that cause unpleasant feelings of anxiety.
That’s a good reason to practice, but there’s more. The benefit becomes recursive.
Without the burden of anxiety, a person naturally becomes more mindful in their daily lives. They becomeless forgetful, because they are paying more attention.They report being generally happier with greater levels of satisfaction.
Mindfulness in clinical Medicine
Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, the MIT graduate who brought the practice of mindfulness to medicine, entitled one of his books “ Wherever you go, there you are”.
Dr Kabat- Zinn is the founder of the MBSR program ( mindfulness based stress reduction ) which has evidence –based clinical benefit in all sorts of chronic medical illnesses. This practice also boosts the immune system .
Mindfulness – based Cognitive Therapy ( MBCT) is used as an effective treatment for depression as well as prevention of relapse.
How do I start?
Many of you are doing it already
Did you know that many religious practices are designed to help focus attention and awareness on a moment.
As anexample, grace before meals, or blessing the foods we eat, requires us to take a moment to immerse ourselves wholly in an aspect of the present. We sanctify the moment.
If you play a sport such as golf, you’re doing it as you focus on your next swing. Total attention is placed on the present. If you cannot attend in such a manner you won’t be a very good golfer.
So, I’d guess that many of you are already halfway there. I have just invented my own saying: wherever you go, at least get halfway there. Because by then, the effort it takes to give up and go home is the same as that required to persevere.
My advice on the easiest way to start mindfulness meditation is by following a simple practice of observing your breath.
As you get more comfortable with this practice, you can begin to consciously modify your breathing .
I really find the 4-7-8 breath very easy and useful.Dr Andrew Weil, a Harvard graduate and practitioner of integrative medicine in Arizona, details the method .
Breathe in through your nose , counting to 4. Hold the breath in to a count of 7. Then open your lips and slowly and powerfully exhale to a count of 8. Repeat at least four times.I encourage you to give it a try .
As Confucius said – wherever you go, go with all your heart.
Harvard scientist Dr Bettina B Hoeppner, has described the use of positive psychology exercises in her research papers.
A study, published in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, demonstrated the mood-boosting effect of certain exercises, in subjects who were “giving up” smoking and other drugs. In this study, subjects showed a definite increase in “in the moment happiness” compared to other techniques.
Martin Seligman, author of the groundbreaking book, Flourish, says that we humans are “wired” to analyse and overthink bad events, therefore, we need to practice thinking positively – BUT THAT IT WORKS!! Focusing on good stuff ‘breaks up depression and brings happiness’
The exercises are Mindfulness Techniques that are free and easy to do.
Ill share these over my next couple of blogs and in addition, suggest we all make an effort to try these out – we can expect to feel an instant mood boost, and more lighthearted, positive and optimistic within a week
Todays exercise is called THREE GOOD THINGS
Think back over your day. What are three good things that you experienced in the past 24 hours?
For best effect:
– Write it down
– Reflect on the event and immerse yourself in the situation for a few moments
